I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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