I hate your face
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
