I'm going to jail i love you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
