That's when you crack a 10am beer
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
