Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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