you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
