I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
