walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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