Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
