Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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