Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
