And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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