The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
