I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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