She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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