You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
