Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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