you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
