where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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