the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
