Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
