i would punch a child for taco bell
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
