Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Randomize
