I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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