At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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