I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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