He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
