K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry about my life...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
