I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
