I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize