I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
