Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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