Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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