Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
