I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
