guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
