Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize