You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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