No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
