For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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