No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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