apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
