how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
