Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
