i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
