I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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