and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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