Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
