I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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