suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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