I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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