I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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