Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
