I heard we made out
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
