We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
