She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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