I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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