You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I am available for nakedness
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
