i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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