I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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