In the future we'll all be gay
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
