yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
