found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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