Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's shark week go big or go home
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
