He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
