He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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