She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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