If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
