a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
