just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We need to rekindle our bromance
smell my finger.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
