Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
