I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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