He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
this hospital has no fireball
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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