whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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