Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
