i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
