ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
