Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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