so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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