Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
