There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
