well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
