matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize