I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Your tits are I can't wait for
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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