This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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