bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize