im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
