It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
