Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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