there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
