what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
