I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
