i already hear my dad disowning me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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