Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
