I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
