Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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