Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
