but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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